However much is waiting for me when I go back into the building,
however much my mind is trying to distract me
this is what I am doing now
This year has been turbulent. Let’s be honest – most years are, but this year was completely unprecedented. It was right in the midst of this that I decided to take part in the Kyra Community ‘Thriving and Flourishing through Times of Change’ programme.
Even the day before it started there was a niggling sense of disquiet in the back of my mind – have I really got the time? I now know I didn’t have the time not to do it. The practices I learned and the insights I gained have become an essential part of my leadership.
BECOMING MORE PRESENT
In my day-to-day work, I quite often found myself attempting to do several things at once.
I might be physically present in a meeting but also glancing at my phone to check for messages, jotting down things I needed to do, reading over an important email, thinking about a meeting coming up or preparing for a conversation with a parent or member of staff. This had become a habit and like most school leaders, I certainly wasn’t prioritising time for myself and my inner world. Although I was doing lots of things at once, I’m not sure I was always doing them as effectively as possible. So what’s changed now?
To put it simply, I am now more present. I am more intentional about what I focus on. Take the beginning of the school day for example: rather than simply going through the motions with hundreds of other thoughts in my head about the day ahead, I try to look each child in the eye as they arrive and greet them; engaging with their excitement about starting the school day. I tell myself –
However much is waiting for me when I go back into the building, however much my mind is trying to distract me – this is what I am doing now, let me be wholly present while I am doing it. Let me enjoy it.
This ‘being present’ doesn’t start and stop with me. The other staff in our school are encouraged to do the same. Whatever they are doing, whether it’s playground duty, comforting a child who has fallen, or helping children move safely around the building, they are encouraged to do it to the best of their ability - to be present for it, in that moment.
FINDING MY BALANCE
These moments of presence have helped me find my balance, even in the midst of great change and pressure.
I am now able to be with difficulty, acknowledging it and staying with it long enough to understand it and respond wisely. As a leader I now take time to actually pause in the day and choose the most appropriate way to lead moment by moment. I am able to be both ‘on the balcony – watching and looking over what’s happening, and on the dance floor – in the midst of the day to day’. I have a choice, and can move between one and the other.
Being present has also made me aware of when I am leaning forward into ‘anticipatory worry’ i.e. worrying about that which has not yet happened. This unbalances me and takes me away from the present moment. I have shared some of the ideas from the programme with other leaders in the school. We have tried to support each other when this type of ‘future oriented stress’ starts to take over, reminding each other on a Friday to ‘not borrow trouble from next week and have a good weekend’.
It’s certainly helped me truly cultivate and appreciate the joy of walking in the woods with my family at weekends.
A WORK IN PROGRESS
Pausing. Being present. Taking in each moment fully as it comes. It sounds simple doesn't it, but it isn’t! It takes practice. But, having done so, I now know how it feels to be present – and in turn how it feels when I am not present. I know the positive impact being present has on me, my wellbeing and my leadership and, in turn, on my staff. I truly believe it’s these little things, the marginal gains, that make the difference in schools.
Of course this is a work in progress and I still have a long way to go but I am sticking with it, because it really makes a difference.