I always try to look calm
The difference now is that I am calm.
Learning about and practising Mindfulness has been invaluable to me as a school leader. It has helped me to become, what always seemed just out of reach during the school day - more focused, more together and less rushed.
When I arrive at school Mindfulness has helped me make time to do a daily ‘settling practice’, taking deep breaths and bringing my mind and body together. It's a moment to steady myself and turn my attention fully to the day.
When I am busy walking the corridor, Mindfulness has helped me know when I need to re-group. I can recognise when my mind is racing and I am starting to jump to making decisions, bouncing into them. In those situations I can sometimes say ‘yes’ to a member of staff without even thinking. Now I stop. I ground myself and take the time I need to think through the implications of that ‘yes’.
When the school day is over, I take work home with me but I no longer take the day home. This is one of the biggest changes for me. As school leaders we have a really hard time ‘ switching off’. Mindfulness practice has helped me let the day go. I don't spend time going over it in my head, running it like a loop in my mind over and over and over again. I also spend less time worrying about tomorrow – conjuring up future scenarios and agonising over them, when of course they have not yet happened. All that happens is that they keep me awake at night.
This all came into sharp focus when I realised just how many meetings and conversations I was having in the shower in the morning. By the time I got out of the shower I felt as if I’d done a days work! Now, when I am in the shower in the morning, I am in the shower and I deliberately pause and allow myself to really feel the water, letting my mind settle. I make space for what is happening right there rather than imagining what the day is going to bring and playing it over and over in my mind. It’s stopped me having those imaginary conversations with people that I will actually never have.
So, how does this play out in a practical sense? When staff want some of my time I now give them my full attention. I can recognise when my mind is wandering, and I can bring it back to this one moment, this one conversation. I don’t rush to fill the silence either, I just let the pause be and it helps me to re-group and re-gather my thoughts and it leaves space for the other person to add anything else they feel is helpful. I no longer feel driven to find the answer NOW.
I now understand myself and my team better. I know when I am ‘armoured’, worried about and resisting what’s happening, and so am more able to recognise it in others. This has helped me to be more fully in tune with staff, thereby allowing myself to create a safe space for others. This is especially important when a “difficult conversation” happens and I want the other person to be open and honest about a tricky situation. It also helps enormously with developing that most important of cultures in a school: trust.
It’s changed me as a person too. I have begun to let go of ”the story of me” and opened myself up to change and with this came the letting go of the “mantle of the expert”, which during these strange times has been important. For example, there are those in my team who are far, far more skilled at IT than myself and so these colleagues are better placed to be the drivers of remote learning. Mindfulness has made me realise this is ok, I don’t need to know or be in charge of everything - something I have found hard to adjust to, but I hope I am getting there!
In short, mindfulness has helped me better develop my leadership presence in the school and as a result the staff, and the children, have benefited. The thing is – this isn’t a strategy, it's a practice – and I find the more I practice the easier and natural it becomes.
So, three words to describe how Mindfulness has helped my leadership?
Curiosity: I am more open to new experiences.
Acceptance: We all do the best we can every day and that is all we I can do.
Letting go and letting be: being at peace with myself, the pupils, the work, my colleagues and in fact the world, at the end of the day.
- Siân, Headteacher, East London